The peas!
Katie, Rachel and Carolyn on the Trout Lake trail
Juneau Falls
keeping it real in the rain
This is just such a great picture, I had to add it!

Matt and I on Upper Russian
My first catch!!
My second catch!!

Stream Watch Volunteers

“Some people walk in the rain, others get wet.”
- Roger Miller

I think I walked in the rain and got wet this weekend. I had five days off in a row due to the eight day hitch that I will be going on tomorrow morning. I am optimistic about this hitch, as well as nervous. However, the story and the feelings behind the hitch will have to be saved for another post because too many awesome things happened in the last five days that need to be covered.

First of all, I went on an overnight backpacking trip with a fellow dormie, Matt. We hiked about 24 miles from Cooper Lake, past Upper Russian and Lower Russian Lakes. We took off at about 8:00 pm after work and hiked through some beautiful river bottom areas. We chatted easily and stopped to fish here and there. It is particularly pleasant to hike in the late evenings. We arrived at our first camp site at Upper Russian at about 10:30 pm (nine miles later) and decided to stay in the unoccupied forest service cabin. The cabin was brand spankin’ new and luxurious. There was even a row boat on the lake! At around 3:00 am, I heard the infamous moo-chirp stalking about outside our cabin and I shuffled around from window to window in my sleeping bag trying to figure out what kind of animal it was. After Katie and my experience at Lower Russian Lake with the moo-chirp, I was especially glad to have a cabin in-between me and the unknown animal. Matt supposed that the moo-chirp was a ptarmigan. Perhaps he is right, but perhaps it is a gruesome, hideous animal that stalks people from lake to lake on the Russian River trail. How am I to know unless I see the thing, or am attacked by it? Anyway, my unfounded stress led to a world-class laugh fest at 3:11 am and I simply couldn’t stop for the life of me. Hopefully it scared the fangs right off of the moo-chirp as it fled in terror at my pealing laughter.

The next morning we went on a peaceful boat ride on the lake and did some fishing and some wildlife viewing. I spotted a sow brown bear and her cub on the lake shore and a loon followed us around and dove under the water and swam beneath the boat. We got skunked on the fish, but the bears and the loon were more than enough conversation fodder for the next 8 or 9 miles. We stopped several times to fish for rainbow trout in the river but were unsuccessful. I did catch a fly fishing lure off the river bottom. That, I am proud to say, was the first thing that I ever caught with my fishing rod!!! We hiked and hiked through beautiful country with astounding views of snow fields and glacial valley’s and spruce pollen covered river beds and babbling brooks. I have to say that the babbling brooks are particularly fantastic in this part of the country. We stopped off at the Russian River Falls to view the salmon stacks. The smart ones were using the fish ladder but the adventurous ones were giving there all as they tried to swim up the falls. I think the fish hurdling their mass out of the frothy white water in a last ditch attempt to spawn in their home waters is one of the coolest things I have ever seen. After seeing this, we wanted to try our hand at salmon fishing so we walked past the falls sanctuary boundary and began fumbling around with our rods. I can imagine that our incompetence was fairly hilarious to the other fisher people. We were slipping on rocks, catching our hooks on shrubs behind us and generally looking awkward and bumbling. We were about to give up when a fish person took pity on us and offered to share his prime fishing spot. After our failed casting attempts he offered to hook some fish for us. The first fish that he hooked ran down the river so fast and took all my line of my reel. He was so strong, I couldn’t reel him in fast enough and the current helped him out. He actually managed to unhook himself and I did get my line back. We adjusted the drag and tried again. I think he hooked about 8 fish before I finally managed to land one. I have huge bruises on my hip from stabilizing the rod as I reeled. I have decided that I need at least two more hands, if not more. Matt managed to land a salmon as well and Bill, our fishing expert cleaned and filleted the fish for us! We were exhausted but happy as we hiked the final three miles and Katie picked us up all smiles so that was nice.

The next day, Saturday, was solstice and Moose Pass puts on a world class festival complete with tasty food, wonderful music and arts and crafts. I used Katie’s bike to ride the 6 miles to the festival around 12. I got there in time to see Big Nellie and the Empty Bottle Boys, a loosely held together band comprised mostly of my fellow USFS buddies. They play fun bluegrass tunes. Katie and the fire crew took an hour or so break so one of the crew members could play the washtub bass in the band! I slack lined and had a berry smoothie and chatted with folks that I knew, and didn’t know and generally had a good time. The music lasted until 9:30 and then the party moved to a private home around a bon fire. The scene was basically a bunch of drunks and I didn’t stay long. But I did run into Kristin Schmidt, a friend from high school, who I didn’t know was in Alaska. We didn’t get much of a chance to catch up so I hope she calls me and we can find each other later.

I discovered that a moose had gotten in our garden so I spent a good part of Sunday felling trees, stripping them and fashioning them into stakes for a higher fence. Some folks suggested that we get a bear hide to deter the moose and someone else suggested bear poop. I am keeping my eyes open for both. The garden, by the way, is doing very well and everything has sprouted except the brussel sprouts and the zucchini. Carolyn, Katie and I made salmon feast for dinner. It was nice to cook with people again and have a little bit of a community dinner. The salmon was excellent!!!

Monday, I volunteered for stream watch with Jennie. Essentially, some old veterans of the Russian River and I went down to the confluence area and told people to fillet their fish properly and keep their packs within three feet of them, picked up trash and mono filament line and repaired riparian area protection fences. My fellow volunteers were fairly knowledgeable about fishing and the area and general so I learned a lot from them. Watching the fisher people on the river also gives me a better sense of how to fish for salmon. Hopefully, I will be more successful or less awkward the next time I go.

After Carolyn and Katie got off of work on Monday, we went for an over night backpacking trip to Trout Lake. We viewed the ever spectacular Juneau falls and disturbed a foraging moose. We arrived at the lake and thought about fishing but it started to rain and we still hadn’t found a campsite. So we opted out of fishing and found a place to set up camp. The skies opened up and it began to pour just as we pulled out or tents. Long story short, we opted to all sleep in Carolyn’s two person tent because it was the only one that didn’t get completely soaked in the process of putting them up. At around 11:00 pm we made cocoa and at peppermint Luna bars and them began the slow process of piling into the tent without getting the inside wet. Carolyn first, and then Katie and finally, me. We all made sure to empty our bladders first though. We were fairly cold and wet and miserable but we managed to laugh and have some fun in our misery. I recited a couple poems and read out loud and it turns out we all managed to stay fairly warm all night long. We got up at 5 am and the rain had stopped, thank goodness. We packed up in a hurry and marched the five miles back to the trail head where Katie’s boss picked us up and took us back home. Katie had to work today at 9 which is why we had such an early wake-up time.

I am currently packing for the hitch and replanting some of the garden. I managed to collect some bear poop so I am going to distribute that. I hope that it doesn’t rain on the hitch but if it does, I hope I make lemonade with the lemons!

I haven't really spent a lot of time discussing the finer points of my work. This is mainly because it would be all complaints and I am trying to keep things on the positive side. However, I would like to mention that three out of my four days at work this past week were quite satisfying. We had to hike three miles into the work site and build abutments for a bridge on Juneau Creek. There was an awesome waterfall right down stream from where we were working. The contractor that built the bridge over river left sketchy gravel approachs with steep slopes on both sides of the bridge (see "almost" before and after pictures). The first picture is not actually a before picture. We had already put in some of the lumber. Imagine that it is not there and that there is a scary slope down to the river! A lot of bikers use this trail and the potential to slide down the side of the approach is fairly high. We hauled in a couple trailer loads of lumber with the ATVs and constructed wooden walls to hold the gravel in and then hauled load after load of gravel from a borrow pit about a half a mile away to fill in the gaps. I must say that the ATVs make our work much easier, though they have a huge impact on the trail and are a pain to back up with trailers. Turning around on the trails is also an issue. We often just bowl over trail riparian area and break off branches and squash vegetation. This is why we encountered the USFS cabins crew with a llama train. They have a very light impact on the trail and are the prefered mode of transportation on muddy trails. Also, since the trail was muddy we got see a lot of animal tracks including moose, black bear and brown bear (see picture of HUGE prints!!).

Marshall Tucker Band
Glacier Brewhouse
Prince William Sound
Fish that was thrown back

deheading shrimp

To the lover of wilderness, Alaska is one of the most wonderful countries in the world.

John Muir

John Muir certainly is right. Alaska is full, chalk full, of wild and scenic places. It is a mecca for all outdoor sports and recreation. I became enthralled with the idea of living and working in Alaska because of its mountains and wildlife. However, I am finding increasingly more interesting things to do here outside of backpacking and glacier viewing.

It has been a late spring and a late summer. Consequently, the snow is still covering the upper (and sometimes lower) portions of the trails. More than once, I have been turned around by gobs and gobs of snow. And my healthy fear of the massive brown bears has stymied my drive to hike and backpack alone in these mountains. Therefore, I decided to have a weekend in the city of Anchorage.

Katie, Carolyn and I bought tickets to the Marshall Tucker Band for Thursday night and trundled to Anchorage after work. The concert was a blast and it turns out that I know more Marshall Tucker Songs than I originally thought. The crowd was full of bikers and baby boomer revelers and some young hicks. I am fairly certain that the entire band was toasted upon arrival and the tight pants of the lead guitarist and the long scraggly hair on all of them made the concert even more entertaining. At one point, all of the band members except Marshall Tucker himself, took off for a smoke or something. The venue was fairly low key and so Katie and I were able to get right up close to the stage and even stand next to Marshall Tucker while he was taking a break. We wrapped up the evening at a bar that could have been the Union Club if it had a live band and a dance floor.

Katie and I stayed the night with an old roommate of hers in Anchorage. We borrowed bikes and took the town by storm the next day. We went into the little touristy knickknack shops and the salvation army and the native arts stores and tried to do a tour about John Cooke but found we couldn't pay attention. We perused the parks and sat and people watched and smelled the salty air. After awhile we found Glacier Brewhouse and partook of their beer sampler tray. We tried ten beers in all including a plum lambic and raspberry wheat beer as well as an imperial blond ale and an imperial IPA. There beer was good but not great. The atmosphere was excellent and the bar tender made our day. He had spent a lot of time hiking in our neck of the woods and we discussed different trails.

Then we took a massively long bike ride out to the strip mall area and visited REI, where I deposited a lot of money in what I like to think of as a fine investment, a pair of fire boots. It sounds like the trail crew depends and expects to go on fires every year. I have grown out of my old fire boots so I figured I better replace them. I hope that we go on a fire now, because I have some pretty kick-ass boots. I opted out of the conventional whites or hawthornes because the arches are too high and got some La Sportivas that look silly as hell but are just as comfortable.

We also trekked to Value Village and the Salvation Army as well as an excellent Italian restaurant with a salad bar. The price shock has been a bit crippling when it comes to me buying produce so I haven't had a healthy dose of veggies since I got up here. The salad bar was great and just what I needed. We adventured home on our bikes at around 9:00 pm and made it home just before the rain started pelting down. We had hoped that her friend would be around to drive to Costco or a grocery store but she wasn't so we hoped on our bikes again with our backpacks and took off for a grocery store in the pouring rain. I bought 25 cans of veggies and spaghetti sauce, a huge thing of peanut butter, 10lbs of apples and 5lbs of carrots as well as 2 quarts of yogurt and some couscous. My pack was heavy. I shall not be buying 25 cans at once again. The uphill on the way home was interesting, to say the least...

Katie and I stayed up late listening to music on youtube including North To Alaska, which is a song I had never heard before.

Saturday morning Katie's friend's family took us fishing in Whittier. You have to take a train tunnel in your car to get there and traffic can only go one direction at a time and if a train is coming all the traffic has to wait for the train to pass through. Whittier is where all the Princess Cruises stop off and everyone in the community lives in one giant apartment complex. The scenery around the bay is breathtaking and multiple glaciers spill into the ocean in the area. There is also the world's second largest seagull rookery.

We set to the sea and laid shrimp pots in a secret place and then went to another secret place and fished for chum and king salmon. We got skunked on the fish but we kayaked and chatted and watched the eagles and listened to music and sat silently and contemplated the wonder of the land around us. Katie and I felt ecstatic to be so lucky as to be in Alaska fishing and kayaking and boating on the ocean. Kayaking was the most liberating thing after biking...to move of my own volition at a high speed and little effort to move without the graciousness of a car ride and the power of my own muscles. It was wonderful. I am becoming really serious about finding a bike and a kayak to use on the Kenai lake now. We had a lot of shrimp in the shrimp pots and I got way out of my comfort zone when I ripped their little heads and legs off. Their bodies still jerk after they have been decapitated. It was a horrible experience at first but then I realized that I was harvesting food and that these shrimp would be wholesome food in the end. I got a chance to drive the boat and grounded the lines on a sudden increase of ocean depth. Oops.

We had a successful hitch hike back to our home thanks to a spunky FWP intern from Texas. And we had a wholesome dinner of shrimp and pasta after oogling our sprouting garden. The broccoli, peas and radishes and beets are all sprouting now! I ended up joining some other folks at a show in Cooper Landing. The crowd was overwhelming but the music was good, some mix of samba and African drumming jam band. It made me very nostalgic for the samba dances in Missoula but the crown was different and I danced on edge and hung close to fire, enjoying myself but missing the energy that connects us all. There is something strangely hollow about the people who have been here for years. I find an affinity to my fellow first years but feel isolated and distant from the others. There is something that I can't put my finger on that makes the energy of Cooper Landing a Moose Pass less accessible. I shall cogitate on it more and in the mean time find joy in my fellow dorm mates who find delight in the smallest of things and wonder in the very act of being in Alaska.

Next weekend is the Solstice and a great festival at Moose Pass. I can't wait because I think the music will be great and the attitude will be positive. I may even enter a pie in the contest.

NORTH TO ALASKA

Jimmy Horton

Way up north, (North To Alaska.)

Way up north, (North To Alaska.)

North to Alaska,

They're goin' North, the rush is on.

North to Alaska,

They're goin' North, the rush is on.

Big Sam left Seattle in the year of '92,

With George Pratt, his partner, and brother, Billy, too.

They crossed the Yukon River and found the bonanza gold.

Below that old white mountain just a little south-east of Nome.

Sam crossed the majestic mountains to the valleys far below.

He talked to his team of huskies as he mushed on through the snow.

With the northern lights a-running wild in the land of the midnight sun,

Yes, Sam McCord was a mighty man in the year of nineteen-one.

George turned to Sam with his gold in his hand,

Said: "Sam you're a-lookin'at a lonely, lonely man."

I'd trade all the gold that's buried in this land,"

For one small band of gold to place on sweet little Ginnie's hand.

"'Cos a man needs a woman to love him all the time."

Remember, Sam, a true love is so hard to find."

I'd build for my Ginnie, a honeymoon home."

Below that old white mountain just a little south-east of Nome."

Where the river is winding,
Big nuggets they're finding.
North to Alaska,
They're goin' North, the rush is on.
Way up north, (North To Alaska.)
Way up north, (North To Alaska.)
North to Alaska,
They're goin' North, the rush is on.
North to Alaska,
They're goin' North, the rush is on.

Everyday seems to have a theme song. Sometimes it's the same song day after day. Sometimes it is the same day song after song and some songs seem to fit everyday. This weekend's song was Wagon Wheel by Old Crow Medicine Show or Bob Dylan or whoever you would like to give credit to. If you don't know it...you should find it.

Heading to the south from the land
of the pines, thumbing my way out
of North Caroline, staring at the road
pray to god, I see headlights. Well,
I made it down the coast in 17 hours
picking me a bouquet of dogwood floweres
and I'm a hoping for Raleigh, I can
see my baby tonight.

It went like this. Katie, one of my dorm mates and co-conspirator in the quest to see and do everything there is to do in Alaska plus, thumbed our way out of Moose Pass with nothing more than our backpacking gear and a vague plan to hike a trail on the tundra and then attend a music and arts festival in celebration of the Kenai river. We caught a ride from a co-worker straight away. He dropped us off at the meeting of two highways where the Forest Service has an interpretive van set up. We visited with our co-worker rangers who were stationed there for awhile. They had a scope focused on some mountain goats on the hillside. They are looking fairly scraggly. Then we walked and walked and watched and watched as the single passenger cars rolled on by. We were picked up about a mile down the road by a lady, who in retrospect, was quite emotionally distraught and probably drunk. We ditched her as soon as we could using the excuse that we had to pee and wanted to explore a short nature trail. We were picked up shortly thereafter by a Georgian halibut fisherman and he was pleased as punch that there were some girls out there with the guts to go backpacking on their own. Humph!!!

We were planning to hike on the tundra from one highway to the next on a 5 mile long trail and past 4 lakes. As we started off on the faint trail, we were attacked by mosquitoes. So many mosquitoes we were choking on them and as we batted at them and dodged our feet began sinking further into brown red muck. After a couple hundred feet or so, soaked to our calves, itchy and a bit lost, we turned back to come up with a plan B. It was obvious that the muck and the mosquitoes and the ever disappearing trail was going to make for a very miserable experience. So we pulled out the map and found another promising trail. It was a trail that I had been working on for the past week and led past some scenic falls, great views of an ice field and a back country cabin on a lake. So we hitched a ride back towards from whence we had come and began our new hike. It was a very pleasant hike through spruce and birch with plenty of views of craggy mountains and glittering snow fields. We set up camp and dined and explored the area. At around 10pm or so we were visited by a very disturbing sound. It was something like a whining moo. We were a bit startled and thinking it might be a moose or a baby bear or a distraught mama bear looking for her cubs, we banged pots and pans and made as much noise as we could. The noise ran off and it sounded as though it was a big animal. It may have also been a big bird...hard to say. The noise returned two more times in the night and banged and clanged it away. We did see a small black bear on the hike out, so maybe that was what the noise was. It did seem like our camp site was right in the midst of an animal thoroughfare to the lake.

We hitched a ride into Soldotna with some Moose Passers and there we found our way to the Kenai River Festival which had live music by Southern Comfort and 6 dollar salmon dinners complete with potato salad, tabbouleh, muffins and bread. We browsed the local crafts and participated in some kid's activities. There were some folks with eagles and owls milling about and a lot of interesting people. We had a grand time and I felt a little bit infinite. Then we ran some errands, i.e. picked up groceries and stuffed them in our already full backpacks. A new brewery had just opened up next to the grocery store so we checked that out as well. As far as I can tell, they make excellent beer and it will continue to get better. They had a great unfiltered hefeweizen and a wonderful vanilla bean porter. The decor was really creative and we met a nice old couple to drove us half way home and invited us to stay in there guest cabin whenever we wanted. We got a ride the rest of the way home from a guy that I do stream watch volunteering with. When we got home, we were exhausted and happy. Hurray!

Katie and I planted a garden this week too. The garden plot was already there from dorm residents prior so we fixed it up, mended the fence, pulled our the weeds and transplanted the perennials and planted us some peas, broccoli, kale, scallions, zucchini, cucumbers, carrots, beets, radishes, spinach and Swiss chard. We are also going to plant an herb garden in an old rusty wheel barrow taking up space on the compound. We have been watering it with buckets and a colander because we don't have a hose. It is a great little project and we are both glad to have something to take care of this summer.

Our next adventure will be making sourdough tonight. I got some starter from a gal on my crew and revived it. We are trying to come up with a way to grind our own flour. We are also scheming on brewing some beer, probably an amber or a hefeweizen. Work...well...work is work and the tempo will be changing soon. The Russian River opens for fishing the 11th and so we will be changing projects. I am excited for a change that is for sure.

Well, I gotta get a move on before the sun
I hear my baby calling my name and I
know that he's the only one
and if I die in Raleigh, at least I will die free.
So rock me mama like a wagon wheel,
rock me mama anyway you feel.
Hey mama rock me.
Rock me mama like the wind and the rain.
Rock me mama like a southbound train.
Hey moma rock me.

This is just a general I made it here and I need to exclaim and hoot and holler and rejoice in every way possible post. I don't really know anyone around me yet to do a celebratory leaping dance with, so I'm doing it here!!!

It is gorgeous here!! Tear-evoking...breath-taking, wild beyond belief and absolutely just exactly and not at all what I had thought. had a great bird's-eye-view of the wilds as the plane descended for landing in Anchorage. I was blown away by the blankets of snow on the craggy peaks and glaciers spilling into the bay. The land looked frigid and cold beneath. And to be honest, it is kind of frigid and cold out. They tell me that I have arrived with the good weather and for that I am grateful. The temperature surely has not risen above 60 and the snow level is about 20 feet above my head. One lake that I passed on the bus ride to my new home was halfway covered in ice. On the bright side, however, the sun is up for 20 hours a day, I spotted a baby moose and two baby rabbits as well as numerous leafing plants and budding flowers and the sun is warming. I also talked to several people people who were planting their gardens this week. So it looks like I will experience spring twice this year.

I was fortunate enough to spend my first weekend with Sarah Slauson and she indoctrinated me with a fine Alaskan wedding. Sarah's brother was getting married (informal, the ceremony was in a back yard and began two hours late). My major contribution was taking over the sewing of the groom's vest from the bride, who was dead set on him wearing that vest but still hadn't showered or make-upped. So I offered to help and had only intended to do some rudimentary hems and then hand it back over to her for the more complicated process of fitting and button-holing. In the end, she took long enough and ceremony was late enough that I, with the help of Sarah, ended up fitting and sewing the groom right into that vest. Very fun, indeed.


I took the bus from Anchorage to the Kenai lake work Center. It is half way to Seward. The work center is where I will be living and working for the rest of the summer and it is surrounded by craggy snowy mountains and flanked by an amazing powder blue lake that curves and stretches for miles like and "s." I am awestruck everyday. Montana is certainly a scenic place that instills many with wonder and awe but I have never seen anything like this valley or like the chains of mountains rising from flats around anchorage. As we drive the roads, I feel as though the wildlife is going to explode upon me. The potential for wildlife, the wildness, and the propensity for people to be oogling wildlife on the side of the road etc. makes me feel like I am in YNP, only less parky or touristy and more like holey shit...this place is a wild place and doesn't have park borders. I haven't seen much in terms of large wildlife but I have heard of plenty sightings happen right around where I live and work. From the chatter around the compound, one would think that human-bear interactions were everyday phenomena. I am a bit reticent to have an actual close-up interaction myself. I had rifle and shotgun training last week and we practiced shooting a charging bear target in the face. The real number of maulings is very low but I am still a bit worked up about encountering an aggressive bear. I went for a run to a lake the other day and brought bear spray, at a co-worker's suggestion. It was a great outing and I almost went for a swim but the wind blew cold and I opted out of it (very un-rachel-like, i know)

I got to go on a lovely hike yesterday with another co-worker. We took her dogs and made our way to a petite little lake. On the way the dog got itself into some baby bunnies. I am not sure if they will survive the dog-chewing but they were sure cute little things. They weren't bleeding externally so perhaps they will make it.

I have encountered some really nice people up here and I am really hopeful for a full and exciting summer. The work will be unlike anything I have done in the past. Strange, you say, and I think so too. However, my crew will spend the next three weeks constructing boardwalk on the world's most fished river, the Russian River. Construction includes the use of ATVs to transport our numerous electrical tools and saws, generators and manufactured boards and railings. The district gets most of its funding from this project and has spent the last 12 years on it. Moreover, they are all veterans of the trail crew and have the routine down pat, like a well-oiled machine, they are. I am the only new person on the crew, am the only clueless one and have asked some pretty novice questions. There is a lingo to living up here and I haven't quite caught on so the short-cuts need to be explained. However, I need to relax into the fact that I am clueless, it is my first week, after all, and I should be allowed. After June 11, when the fishing season opens and the Russian River will be lined with fisher-people shoulder to shoulder, our crew will move onto other projects. In the past, the crew had a big project elsewhere and established a base-camp with giant stoves and wall-tents and ATVs etc. and worked for 8 days and then had 6 days off. This may not be the case this year. I know we will have at least one eight day hitch. In one way the break from tradition may be good. I will get to do many projects on many different trails and therefore see more of the district, instead of being pigeon-holed into one trail and one project. On the other hand, I will only have three days off in a row, and for someone relying on public transportation to get around the state, three days is hardly enough to get to Anchorage and back. However, there are many adventuresome folks with cars in my area and I am hopeful that we will be friends and have shared outings.

In fact, my first shared outing was to a bar to see some co-workers perform at an open mic. I have also been on several more hikes up to a glacier and as far as the snow will let me go on nearby drainages. I went backpacking with some fellow dormmates last friday and that was really fun. I had volunteer orientation on Saturday morning at 7:30 so I had a very early morning hike out. I sang and told jokes outloud and realized that I can only remember 2 or 3 jokes so if you have any good ones you should let me know.

I am also gearing up to fish. It is inspiring that everyone here does it and I think I will be able to find many mentors and teachers. I have found some folks interested in fishing with a novice such as myself, which is heartening. My volunteering is a for a project called the Russian River Streamwatch. It is a group of folks who go out to the Russian River in the peak of fishing season and pick up trash, inform people of rules and regulations and generally act as a Forest Service presence in the face of what they "combat fishing." Folks line this river shoulder to shoulder during the salmon runs and it can get ugly. Dead fish, hooks, bears, dogs, children, gun fights, you name it. I am volunteering because I want to see the circus for myself as well as to get an opportunity to meet some people from around the area. All of my fellow volunteers have been around for years and know the ins and outs fairly well. One couple are the campground hosts for the campground right across from where I live. We chatted for a while and the husband has offered to teach me how to fly fish on the river that goes through the campground. Fishing starts on the 11th, so I will let you know if I get hooked :)

I am very happy to be here right now and have just crossed Alaska off my list of life goals (cheesy, but true). It feels very rewarding and I can see myself being happy here for the next 4 to 5 months. Perhaps the work may not be as challenging as I expected but I live with some really cool people and we have all sorts of plans from planting a garden, to learning spanish, to having drum circles, to brewing beer, to baking bread to backpacking to going to Denali to canoing etc, etc, etc. I do miss Missoula already though. There are three Missoulians stationed up here and several who have graduated from the U of M or who are linked to Missoula in one way or another.

I will try to be more consistent in my posts here, so check back and comment often.

Tada Ima.

I am now home after another epic five weeks in Japan. Among MANY things, my visit included another pilgrimage to Hiroshima. Last year, I went to both Hiroshima and Nagasaki and while in Nagasaki wrote this poem in response to my feelings. I had intended to the leave the poem folded in a paper crane at the epicenter in Horishima last year but I didn't have enough time. I intended to leave it this year come hell or high water but I forgot the crane at Taylor's apartement in Kokura and had no written record of it with me. So I'll post it here in hopes that the ether will receive it instead.

PEACES OF NAGASAKI

We are bombing the whole

world to pieces. We have

forgotten the hours of August

so warm, so scorching hot,

that shadows burned so fiercely

that they clung to the walls

even as the sun fell down.
Memories have slipped away

with the cobwebs of time

and the blasted scars have faded

into steel graves. New generations

push forth, squeaky clean.

Remind them of war.

Remind them of fog, gloom and hate.

Remind them of sunless days

shadowed with mushroom

clouds, of the fragile crust

of life and the tune of animosity.

For who can appreciate the beauty

of peace without knowing

the ugliness of war.

Gray Mornings

I fell for it once and I
said I will never do that again.
I have an idea of what the results
should be. I have an idea of what
should be produced.

But there is a problem with
the methodology. There is a
disconnect between what should
and what will happen.

Been there, done that.
It did not work so why
bother? I am so emotional
I think I am going to bust
a vein. I am trying to navigate
through that.

So I have gone back to the
drawing board. I am trying
to figure it out. I am looking
at how to live life right. There
are books to read, advice
from parents. The level
of articulation on this topic
is immense.

I have gained a more personalized
understanding of the problem,
therefore I will find a solution.

This is a poem I wrote entirely from excerpts from a lecture given in my anthropology class. Even though he was blabbing on and I wasn't following his thought process, I felt like writing down his words, because, strangely, they are very applicable in many different ways. Julie-maybe you will appreciate this poem the most!!!

I am here. What is here? Right now it is the library on the U of M campus in Missoula, Montana. Where was I before? Oh, various buildings on the campus and before that, Gardiner Montana for a Bluegrass Festival and before that, Seattle Washington for a friends wedding and before that, Necklace Valley in the Alpine Lakes Wilderness in Washington for work, and before that, the Gearhart Wilderness in the Fremont National Forest in Oregon and before that, The Diamond Peaks Wilderness in Oregon and before that, the Wenachee National Forest in Washington and before that, the Little Pend Oreille Wildlife Refuge in Washington and before that, the Alpine Lakes Wilderness in Washington and before that, the Malheur National Forest in Oregon and before that the Willamette National Forest in Oregon and before that Eugene, Oregon for Northwest Youth Corps staff training and before that Missoula, Montana, finishing up another semester of school and before that....well I've lost track so why should you keep track?

*******

Dear friends,

How are you?

I hope that it is well.

If you are interested in donated to the school that I volunteered with in Ghana, read on.

I hope that you all remember my dear friends at Tuskegee International School (TIS) in Ghana. For those of you who don't, TIS was one of the places that I volunteered while I was living in Ghana. The headmaster and mistress, Gloria and Charles treated me as their own, cooked meals for me, bought me gifts and allowed me to teach at their school. Their love and compassion had a huge affect on my time in Ghana.

The school is in the midst of a developing area. All of the houses in the area belong to expatriates or people of relatively more than the average income. However, few, if any of the houses are complete because the owners work on completion as they get enough funds. In the meantime, they allow a family or two to squat in their incomplete houses, kind of permanent house sitters. Therefore, all the kids that attend this school are incredibly poor. Many of them are on "scholarship" which means that Gloria and Charles allow them to go to school without paying their school fees. In addition to paying school fees, these children and their families must buy uniforms, books, pencils and lunch. As a result, many kids do not have notebooks for their homework, do not eat lunch or get beaten for not wearing a uniform.

Charles and Gloria are in the midst of building, in that same slow process, classrooms for fourth, fifth and sixth graders. Charles and Gloria dream of building a volunteer house on the property adjacent to the school. They hope that volunteers will come, pay to stay in the house and for meals, teach at the school and explore Ghana. They intend to use the volunteer fees to buy books, pay their teachers better, provide free meals and give more scholarships.

Last year, thanks to many generous donations, I was able to send them almost $500 dollars. I have attached pictures of the construction project. It is an incredible feeling to look at those pictures and see a building where, when I was working there, there was nothing.

I wholeheartedly believe in what they are trying to do and want to help them organize a volunteer program once they have the quarters built. In the meantime, I would like to ask that, if you have any extra funds this Christmas or are looking for a worthy cause to donate to, that you give to Tuskegee International School in Frafraha, Ghana. Moreover, if you would like to make a donation in anyone's name, I will be happy to send pictures or more information to you. Simply:

1. Make out a check to Rachel Kaufman with Ghana or Tuskegee International School in the memo on the check and send it to

Rachel Kaufman

2252 Westfield Court

Missoula, Montana 59801

In February (I am going to Japan for most of Dec. and Jan.), I will wire donations Charles and Gloria.

Five dollars will pay for a child's meal for a month

Ten dollars will pay for a uniform

Twenty dollars will pay for a semester or trimester of school

Charles and Gloria will use the money at their own discretion and funds may go towards anything I mentioned above. I fully trust Charles and Gloria to put donations towards legitimate projects.

I have copied some of the correspondence emails that I had with Charles last year. They include an interesting laundry list what they did with last year's donations and many thank yous and expressions of gratitude. They are very interesting and may impassion you to their cause!!!

HI RACHEL,

YES, I WENT IN FOR THE MONEY LAST THURSDAY AND WANTED TO DO THE PURCHASES OF THE MATERIALS SO THAT I COULD SEND U THE INFO BUT WE HAD LIGHTS OFF IN TOWN FOR TWO DAYS.THE TOTAL AMOUNT WAS 4,284,500 CEDIS I HAD FROM WESTERN UNION THE TRUST BANK, MADINA. I HAVE THE SCHOOL ACCOUNTS THERE.THE FOLLOWING ITEMS WERE BOUGHT AND WORKED WITH ON SATURDAY 4/2/2006:1.

35 BAGS CEMENT : 1,890,000 CEDIS2.

1 TRIP OF SAND : 800,0002.

1 TRIP OF STONE: 650,000 CEDIS

3. BLOCKS -300- 1,350,000 CEDIS

WORKMANSHIP : 600,000 CEDIS

FOR A MASON AND A LABORER FOR 2 DAYS.

TOTAL: 5,290,000 CEDIS

WE GIVE U AND THE DONORS THANK U ONCE AGAIN.

THE FLOORING OF CLASSES 4 TO 6 WAS DONE ON SATURDAY AND WE SHALL GET U SOME PICTURES. WE HOPE GOD WOULD BLESS U AND YOUR PARENTS AND FRIENDS WHO MADE IT POSSIBLE. IF WE COULD GET SUCH HELP EVERY MONTH FOR ABOUT 12 MONTHS, WE COULD FINISH OUR IMPORTANT PROJECTS TO MAKE IT COMFORTABLE FOR THE KIDS. THANKSI SHALL CONTACT U SOONDO NOT FORGET ABOUT THE VOLUNTEER PROJECT.

YOURS CHARLES

(TUSKEGEE, GHANA)

On 2/19/06, charles yarfoh wrote:

HI RACHEL,

HOPE U HAVE HAD MY LAST LETTER ON THE RECEIVAL OF THE MONEY.

WE HAVE DONE THE FLOOR OF CLASSES 4 TO 6, AND AS AT YESTERDAY WE RAISED SOMEFEW BLOCKS AROUND CLASSES 1,2 AND 3 TO TRY AND REDUCE THE WIND AND RAIN INTO THE CLASSROOMS. WE ARE GRATEFUL FOR YOUR HELP AND HOPE THESE PICTURE WILL GIVE A FAIR IDEAAS TO HOW IT WENT.

HI RACHEL,

I JUST HAD UR LETTER YESTERDAY. THANKS FOR EVERYTHING AND UR CONCERN, TIME AND CONTRIBUTIONS FOR US. I HAD UR BEAUTIFUL STICKERS YESTERDAY, A DAY AFTER WE HAD VACATED FOR THE EASTER HOLIDAYS.U ARE THE ONLY VOLUNTEER TO HAVE ACTUALLY THOUGHT OF US AFTER LEAVING. NONE HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO US THE WAY U DID AND WE ARE GRATEFUL.VERY FEW PUPILS PAY FEES TO HELP PAY TEACHER SALARIES SINCE THE SCHOOL CARES FOR A GOOD NUMBER OF THEM AND ATTRACT NOTHING FROM NO WHERE. THE MONEY U SENT US REALLY SENT SOME OF OUR STRUCTURES FORWARD AND WE ARE GRATEFUL. THEY SAY "ROME WAS BUILT OVER A LONG PERIOD OF TIME" SO I TAKE CONSOLATION FROM THAT. PLEASE, TRY AND GET PEN FRIENDS FOR MY KIDS, THE LAST LETTERS THEY WROTE WERE POSTED BY MR. NKANSAH AND SINCE THEN THEY NEVER HAD THE REPLIES TO THEM.

COULD U MAKE SOME CONTACTS WITH A FEW OFFICES TO SEE IF U COULD CHANCE ON A FEW SECOND HAND LAPTOPS FOR US, SOME FEW FRIENDS WHO OFTEN COME DOWN SAY THEY GET THE LAPTOPS BY MOVING FROM OFFICE TO OFFICE OR WRITE TO THEM AND THEY ARE NOTIFIED WHEN REPLACEMENTS ARE DONE BY THE COMPANY.

THANKS FOR ALL THE TROUBLES AND TO UR PARENTS AND RELIABLE FRIENDS AND FOES ALIKE. I WILL KEEP U UPDATED ALWAYS.

ME DA SI, AKPE.

THANKS, CHEERIO & SHALOM

CHARLES

I'm going to Japan!!!!!
Count the days: I'm leaving the US of A Dec. 15 and returning Jan. 21!!!!!

Snow Lake

I woke up at sunset, having slept
through the bristling hot day
and looked out over the frigid
lake afire with the setting sun.
So strong were the waves of color
in the sky that they splashed
into the water and so clear
were the mountains that I
could not tell solid from reflection,
dream from reality.

Tag

I tried to catch a rainbow today.
It slipped through my hands
and disappeared into the hills.
I tried to catch the sun today,
but I ran and ran and ran
out of breath. I tried to catch
you today, but found you
running right beside me.

Things that are broken:
My computer: the mouse clicker doesn't work and sometimes it doesn't recognize disks and it wont go to "my computer."
My car: the automatic transmission warning light comes on sporadically
My Mp3 player: who knows...I guess I shouldn't have taken it hiking with me...
My bike light: maybe it's out of batteries.
My watch: The velcro wrist band is all worn out.
My water bladder
My hiking boots: They are not in dire striates but they leak in holy places.
My bike: their is a large hole in the tire, not the tube, the tire. Actually, I fixed that.
My camera: the memory card always wants to format and my computer will not read it. Actually, I may have solved that problem as well.

Things that are not broken:
My dehydrator
My phone
My bones
My camping gear
My favorite pants

yap, I think that's it.

Spring Thaw

Like the highly anticipated
spring rain you
washed over me.
Cool water in a sheath
of brisk breathy air.

Oh what a winter it was,
frosted with lonely nights,
sleepy hours. I was pitted
and hollow, an empty shell
swelling around an ice core.

I saw through the glass
to your eye and like
an icicle in May,
I melted, a jagged point
dulling into a pool of silver.

You swooped in like
a summer storm and I uncurled
my wings, slowly sharing
those feelings petrified
in winter’s wayward wind.

Now July has settled
in like a stagnant stone
and summer’s thawing
warmth has so quickly
retracted into wilting heat.

Crystal Litmus

I carried you here
for years untold, a banished
flame, a bud of crystal
litmus curled beneath
a bundle of paper cranes.

I held you close for fear
of flying. I held you
close and squeezed
with boa constrictor
might. How tight a torrid
tangle did emerge
and how it did bind
me like a noose of steel.

And in that rush of rain
and sleet, I lost my hold
on you, on my ground,
my golden chrysalis.

But my gasping, grasping
hand did find you riding
atop the foaming brine
and my water logged
lunges did breath easy
once again. All for
the love we shared.

Live With Intention
Walk to the edge
listen hard. Laugh
Practice wellness. Play
with abandon. Continue to
learn. Appreciate your
friends. Choose with
no regret.
Do what you love.
Live as if
this is all there is.
Mary Anne Radmaches

You know that feeling...that feeling like you are stuck in between times. That's what I feel right now. I'm stuck in between starting and ending, the earth and the sky, Montana and Washington and finally, I'm stuck in between people.

I finally found my place in Montana...I found of group of kids where I can be more like myself than I've ever felt. They were high energy, both in actions and karma. And now we have parted ways...we have scattered to the four corners of the world, literally. I'm missing them, I'm missing their support and their love and their hugs and their laughs. But I'm back in Washington with old friends, comfortable friends and I'm feeling comfortable and I'm feeling a misconnection. There must be some quote out there for what I'm feeling. Something like old friendships never die, they just fade away. They did just fade away...

I went to SU graduation yesterday. It was one of the most emotional things I've done in awhile and I wore mascara to boot. It figures I would wear makeup the one day I'm going to cry my eyes out. But watching my peer group walk across the stage and collect there diploma, toss their hats into the air and hug each other with giant grins made me think about my life's what ifs and should haves, could haves, might haves. I could have been walking across that stage in the middle of Qwest field, "Rachel Kaufman, Magna Cumme Laude" and worn my Honors Program Cords. I would have been number 16 on the list of students who completed the Honors Program at SU. I could have been up there too. I know that I took the right path when I chose not to return to SU. I know my life has been rich and full and right, but the what ifs are emotional to entertain.

More over, all those people walking across the stage, I knew so many of them. They were good friends, but not anymore. Where did that go? Are the bonds I make so easy to break? It seems so... I feel like I am facing so many close relationships that have gone cold. That doesn't mean that they were worthless at the time, no not at all. It just means that I'm no good at beneath the surface or second times or long distance or substance.

I wish I could say everything I need to say here. I wish I could always say everything I need to say.

Last Song
by Jason Webley

One day,
The snow began to fall,
And slowly, inch by inch,
Covered up the earth.
'Til finally,
The top of the tallest building,
Was lost beneath a powdered sea,
As quiet as a shadow's grave.

And we say that the world isn't dying.
And we pray that the world isn't dying.
And just maybe the world isn't dying.
Maybe she's heavy with child.

One night,
A woman took my hand.
I left my home and followed her
Into an icy field.
When I wanted to go back,
I'd lost the way.
So she beckoned me to lie beneath
The stone that always bore my name.

One morning,
We woke up in an alley.
To the smell of urine, alcohol,
Trash and gasoline,
With a dim sense of a notion
We'd held something in our hands,
That was bigger than us or God,
And we can never touch again.

I've been looking at the symptoms for a while,
Maybe she's heavy with child.

Stella

Listen, soft, I caught a falling star yesterday.
It was on its way to the western shore, on its way, on its way.
I caught it as it plummeted by,
meandering down through the growling sky.
Our hearts pulsed together while cradled in my hand it did lie.
And should we ever need a breath from another time,
soft, all we need do is remember this rhyme.

I just noticed the funniest thing. This is my two year blogging anniversary. Check out my first ever post here. Happy anniversary to me.


Oh yes... and in completely unrelated news, these are my friends.

I am alive!!!
I want to pour like orange juice out of a pitcher. Then I want to take big gulps of myself from a chilled glass and sit down on the grass in the warm sun to thaw. Winter is a long time to freeze.
You know, the other day, while the sun was burning on my back, and my bare toes curled in the dry grass, I felt my spirit lift a little. It is struggling free folks and the Spring thunderstorms and the gusts of wind peppered with lightening are gonna shake it free.
Do you remember standing in a field with your arms spread out, reaching to the horizons with your fingers, lightly brushing them and feeling the ridges and humps. Then the wind gusted up from behind and you could lean back into it without holding on?
When I was little, maybe four or five, I flew...not in an airplane or on an eagle's back... I actually lifted off the ground right where my driveway met Quail Road. No one was around and the air was dead quiet. I was wearing a purple satin prom dress that was way too big and a crown of fake flowers.
I hope I am never too old to remember.

Those, I didn't eat, but some people did.

This is my buddy Siren and I in Costa Rica

I have been fairly absent lately. Absent from this blog, absent from my friends, absent-minded. I don't know why and I don't really want to expound right now. So, instead of being deep and philosophical about why I am the way I am etc., I'm going to tell you some shallow yet interesting things about my life.

I am currently and have been planning for the past three weeks to be an environmental science major with a minor in not for profit business and international development.

This semester, I am taking chemistry, geography, statistics and economics. In a one hundred percent change of pace, I don't have any papers to write this semester! I'm glowing.

I picked up the guitar again. I hope this lasts.

Summer looks like trail work again! I was going to try to fight fire but I think I'm too week to qualify. I can't do a pull up or a boy push up, how embarrassing. But I can beat certain boys at arm wrestling!

I sent about 500 dollars to Tuskegee International School in Ghana. They used the money to buy building supplies for their school. Thank you to everyone who donated!!! If you have any ideas about fundraising let me know.

I love music but most of all I love the Rolling Stones! Their new album A Bigger Bang is great. I also recently picked up Exile on Mainstreet. It makes me cry because it sounds so incredibly twangy. But here's the coolest; Stripped! It's a 1995 release of live recordings from their tour. It spans their whole career and has a lot of b-side tracks. Not to mention, the second track is Like a Rolling Stone.

Also, if you haven't heard Manu Chao or Cat Empire, check them out. Manu Chao is the ultimate world music musician. His lyrics are in English, French, Spanish, Portuguese and he is so non sequential. Cat Empire is from Australia and funky. I think they sound a lot like Dispatch. I also can't get enough Good Charlotte, Badly Drawn Boy or Belle and Sebastian. And the really exciting news is that Franz Ferdinand and Peter Tosh are on their way!

In other news, I am looking forward to Jazz Fest, Spring Break backpacking in a Utah national park and Bloomsday. Also on the platter, a possible trip to Vegas with my dad and a possible trip to Mexico from May to June.

Here's an excerpt from a book I'm reading: "Doctors sometimes draw maps of other parts of you, and your own map can become intensely interesting, but catch them trying to draw a map of a child's mind, which is not only confused, but keeps going round all the time. There are zigzag lines on it, just like your temperature on a card, and these are probably roads in the island; for the Neverland is always more or less and island, with astonishing splashes of colour here and there, and coral reefs and reakish-looking craft in the offing, and savages and lonely lairs, and gnomes who are mostly tailors, and caves through which a river runs, and princes with six elder brother, and a hut fast going to decay, and one very small old lady with a hooked nose. It would be an easy map if that were all; but thee is also first day at school, religion, fathers, the round pond, needlework, murders, hangings, verbs that take the dative, chocolate pudding day, getting into braces, say ninety-nine, three pence for pulling out your tooth yourself and so on; and either these are part of the island or they are another map showing through, and it is all rather confusing, especially as nothing will stand still."

So...that's that. I'm going to go wrastle up so pigs and give them all a shampoo and a shave and I'm going to try to stop running away from my fears one baby step at a time.

What an amazing winter break this has been!
I am really excited about all the things I have done and seen. I have packed a lot into just four weeks.
I guess the most recent things are going back to Fortuna and Volcan Arenal to visit a friend that I met the first time I was there. We had a really good time. We visited a swimming hole with a rope swing and two beautiful waterfalls and made spaghetti for some locals.
I also went to the Nicoya Peninsula and lounged on the beaches of Montezuma and Mal Piez for about 5 days. I met a wonderful girl on the ferry over. We became fast friends and traveled together for the past 5 days. She was a breath of fresh air after all the numerous guy companions I have been traveling with. Strangely enough, she disapeared this morning, luggage and all. So I went to San Jose as planned. I hope she is ok.
Now I am in San Jose, soaking up the big city culture after the ultra chill of the hippie surfer atmosphere of the peninsula. This city is crazy but fun.
I am looking forward to one last outing tomorrow to Volcan Poas.

Ola! I find myself in Panama! Craxy Huh? Other crazy things: Stayed for two days with a Tico family in a small palm nut harvesting town. We swam in the river with Crocidillios and jumped from high tree branches Road on the weel covering of a tractor for several miles to investigate flood damage Tried tongue (I´ll let your imagination wander) Hitch hiking in the back of a pick up truck road in the cab of a semi taught Ticos how to foot bag Watched Lord of the Rings in Spanish Somehow carried on a two hour long conversation in Spanish Took almost a hundred pictures of the Tico family I stayed with! I´ll see the canal tomorrow!!! Adios Amigos

It's a beautiful day in Costa Rica. In fact, all of the days have been beautiful. The light rain showers in the afternoon are very refreshing. The town of Fortuna is beneath Volcan Arenal and at night you can see the lava glowing red! We went on a boat ride and saw many exotic animals. We also went to a wonderful hotsprings and soaked for hours and hours under the starry sky. The locals set off fire works last night for Christmas Eve. It was quite the show. Today we are off to the cloud and rain forests of Monte Verde.
Merry Xmas all!!

Hello my darlings!
I am speaking to you from the ever wonderful, the ever green Costa Rica!
After a lot of unwanted and uncalled for delays we finally pulled into town today at 2:30 pm. That's right, over 24 hours worth of travel.
But Costa Rica is warm, beautiful, green and completely different from anything I've ever experienced before. The aunt, the mom and I went for a walk along the road (busy as hell and no sidewalks) to a little restaurant were we ordered up some bebers (drinks) and some chow. A wonderful mix was on the radio and we had a varied assortment of dishes including little tortillas with a relish tray and a whole roasted garlic, enchilada, stuffed chilis and heart of palm salad. MMMmmm. The people here a really nice. I can't say that I have seen a lot of the real culture, mainly just a busy road but I have high hopes for the next month. Tomorrow, we head to the grand Volcana Arenal, which is still lively as all get out and soak in the hot springs there abouts, go on a night tour looking for animals and generally bask in the "bad" feeling one gets from hanging out within death's grip right under an active volcano.
Adios!

Dodowa Road

Lapping dogs with lamenting dirges
called to me from sunburned Savannah
hills. Thirsty dogs, dry as sand and wind-
streaked tongues, with paws cracked
in Hamartan heat, pad up and down
the blood red road. Back and forth
they oscillate, circle round and round,
dead dogs. They haunt the side of the road,
rotting like war, rotting like rinds
of salted roast. Day after day, electricity,
cascading neurons, vanish with five
o'clock sunset. Hair and eyebrows gone
like a two year old's birthday cake.
Muscle and skin, toenails and eyeballs
are devoured like a fine book at one a.m.
Nerves and muscle, cartilage and soft
organs are pulled from cavities like precious
jewels and day after day, the road reaches
long to the north, and south to the sea.
The entire walk, rotting dogs decay
to dusty bones and dripping dreams.

Reflex

It all began on a rocking horse.
The story of my life, a talking horse,
started slow, like a second date,
a secret wish served on broken
plate, a golden coin, flattened
on railroad steel. I twitched
and conceived a critique
of consciousness. A cactus of truth
pierced my skin, drooled out
a foreign friend. Transposed
in a perspiring melange,
we painted a tapestry
of terracotta pearls and timid
paper and plastic,
expanding like a wicked
little shadow, inebriating
me like a salty sailor.
The curve of a smile puckers
in carefully colored calendars.
Teeth on Tuesdays, grins
on Mondays and chortles
on Fridays.
Week after week a sad
love song whispers
on my shoulder like an evil
demon, urging me to your
cracked egg shell smiles
and flakey pastry prose.
We both know that making
the sun rise is like muting
a silent monkey.
It has already happened.

Ripping Off a Whiny Song

A three pronged hat and a tin roof
sunday ice cream strolling
in Central Park, a chapeau
and a fatty dairy product,
it's true, but what were
the chances, of them strolling
in Central Park.

Come to me in a satin scarf
and robes of milky cream.
Come to me and listen
to my ditherings, my digressions,
commas, quotes and quid pro quos.
Six thousand words I have scribbled
with a million, trillion, gazillion
to follow. Hanging clauses,
compound sentences without
a pound, raw, unfinished.

If you came to me
in the hollow honeydew
haze, you would scare away
the spider webs of Easter egg
shadows and render me
a loquacious fool with your
enchanting cantations.

One for puppies and two
for pain. Another for love
and three for flying angels
raining fairy dust and subjunctives.
I am counting crayons,
each one a different color.

the leaves have fell off all the trees and despite the fact that i can see through the naked branches, i still can't see the stars for the fog. it the kind of fog that creeps up on you around corners and taps your left shoulder and quickly moves to your right side when you turn your head. outside is a death trap and i can't get used to the cold. i want to love it, to embrace it, to cuddle in front of a fire or walk briskly down the trail, feeling the coolness on my cheeks but knowing that i am warm. have you ever looked closely at hoar frost? it clings to pine needles like nylons in humid southern afternoons. it clings but it also pulls away like a thousand jagged saw tooths or a layer of sharks teeth. i've never seen anything so polar, clinging and pulling. it's like me in a way. stretching with all its might, pulled by some unseen force towards the mysterious future yet grounded, rooted to the tree afraid to take the first bite that will eventually devour the elephant. if i can't see things through to a successful ending, i terminate them before they begin and in the spring, i melt with the warm sun and trickle into the thawing ground. some wise wit once said, nothing ventured, nothing gained. well, my angels, he was right.

{From a documentary called Africa: A Triple Heritage}
The whole universe has been created in the image of god. In fact, the universe and the creative process are a kind of autobiography of god; god telling his story chapter by chapter, tree by tree star by star stream by stream. All of the different elements in nature can be expressions of god. The sun rise can be god’s smile, the draught, the wrath of the ancestors and thunder and lightening could sometimes be a divine orgasm.

If you believe in this
then the following is of no
consequence but if you
think that it is nothing
more than grey swirls
in the bathtub
then it is only a ring
'round the rim to me.
I repeat it over
and over, believe
with all my energy
and I can tell you
twice if not thrice
that there is no
difference between
you and me whether
they think so or not.
You have never
uttered a word
about it before so I
do not think it
matters anymore.
Tomorrow was the same
as yesterday and today
is coming faster then
I want to say. Let
them all wash away.
Now, weeks are like
petals on a flower.
I will not concern
myself with hours.
They cannot be there
and be here with me
so I leave them to
regimented minutes.
Because I believe
it is true. If you
do not...
simply be,
so that we can
be together.

The World According to Dan Dustin:

I am the the old original iron-jawed, brass-mounted, copper-bellied corpse-maker from the wilds of Arkansas! Look at me! I am the man they call Sudden Death and General Desolation! Sired by a hurricane, dam'd by an earthquake, half-brother to the cholera, nearly related to the smallpox on the mother's side! Look at me! I take nineteen alligators and a bar'l of whiskey for breakfast when I'm in robust health, and a bushel of rattlesnakes and a dead body when I'm ailing. I split the everlasting rocks with my glance and I squelch the thunder when I speak! Stand back and give me room according to m y strength! Blood's my natural drink, and the wails of the dying is music to my ear. Cast your eye on me, gentle-men, and lay low and hold your breath, for I'm 'bout to turn myself loose!

The Rolling Stones rocked. And be assured that I told you all about them and then promptly lost it all in an unexpected computer freeze. I'm just not really interested in rewriting the masterpiece so I'm going to give you some highlights from other peoples' masterpieces...

"Pasted on my open window, I see the sky above me, raw."
"I'm hoping to find a plug for my heart's leak."
"We are nothing but common souls, crying common tears."
"The paintings on the wall were filled with my blood."
"As a child, I thought we were all going to become famous."
"I've broken my laws too many times. Do it. Shoot me. I'm beginning to find my music."
"A leaf brushed my face on its way to disintegrating."

Out of context, they crinkle a little bit, a little less potent.
I danced in the oval last night under the half moon. I was alone, again.

Hey ol' buddies ol' pals.
I'm on my way to Seattle this coming weekend, Friday -Monday. Why? You ask. Because Sarah's darling dad found two tickets to the ROLLING STONES and he's giving them to us. So if you're a Seattlite, let's meet up, that is when I'm not rocking with Mic and Keith and Bill and Charlie!!! You know you can't always get what you want, but I did this time!
Thank you RICHARD!

Jules is in Ghana for a semester at Legon University. She has sent numerous emails about her time there and they echo so many of my experiences! She has been to so many places that I also went to. It is so cool to think that my footsteps fell on top of Sarah's and then hers on mine. Three friends have ventured to this place on three separate occasions and it is nothing but infinite and who knows who will follow? I am toying with going back for school. It think Jules has the right idea. She is taking classes which include Twi, indigenous religions, Ghanaian history and drum and dance. And what is even cooler is the fact that Jules is visiting Orphanage Africa. When she writes about the kids and the women that work there I just want to burst. I am overwhelmed with jealousy and excitement. Africa was such a nothing. I never thought of it. I never cared and now it is so huge. The African studies class that I am taking plus Jules' emails are reminding me everyday that I have only done half the work for my time in Africa. I want to set up something permanent. Saralita and I have tossed around ideas for Engineers Without Borders and I have been trying to think of something meaningful that I could coordinate with the school. But my thoughts need to be turned into action.

Do you want to meet my red HOT crew, the North Bend Berserkers?












Chris, Kyle, Maloney, MJ, Ryan and Rachel


Do you want to see what we do?

Bake apple crisp cakes...

and clear logs off the trail ...



Scale high rock faces....






carry heavy tools...

transplant ferns...

throw rocks...

and light ourselves on fire...

It is a measurless hour,
quiet, like a stream at twilight
is quiet, murmering its own sound,
murmering its watery prose.

The yellow light is ripe
on my face, spilling
over my lap, dripping down
to my toes.

It is the kind of light meant
for empty stores
and halloween nights.

If it were not for the people
permeating the darkness,
I would be a ghost.

I have never wanted to be
so much at once. A rip
tide pulls me back
to a feeling I forgot.

It is the midnight hour,
the stillness,
the frictionless love,
that pulls me like a cord
down into this deep caldron.

When there is nothing
in the noises of night
but isolation.

When there is nothing
in my heart but a need
to be, I think the noisless
night is breathing a song.

I try not to listen
but it is not there.

I DIDN'T REALIZE THE SKY WAS THIS SHALLOW

Has life been happening? I feel so tired I could sink through the cement foundation like honey in hot water. We all know summer is over. It happened last Friday and even though the temperatures may reach 72 degrees and the sun shines with all its might, there is snow on Lolo Peak and there are dead orange and red leaves in our yard. It smells different out there; summer is broken. Sleeping with out a sleeping bag, shot down dead, alpine lake swimming, murdered in its sleep, napping in the burning hot sun, stabbed straight through. Fall rises out of summer fire. No more burning dreams. I'm not anywhere new except beneath my house surrounded by cement feeling like Fortunato, all bricked in with irony. There are three ways off a merry go round. I don't think that I'm going to let it slow down, I'm going to burn it down. It isn't Fall in Seattle...

"Recreate your heart hour after hour for the tired hearts go blind"
(from the Hadith)

the spring break of our freshman year, sarah patrick and i flew to new orleans. it was the same day the war began. i cant find my journal from that time to refresh my memory about the people and places. but i dont need to. i remember that we almost stayed. a lot of people do. half the kids in the hostel originally had a plan ticket home. we took the ferry across the mississippi dozens of times, played sharks and pirates with the local kids, tapped our feet to strumming guitar and grating washboards. this poem was for sarah now its for memories, music, travel, the kids at algiers point, the piano player, the lovely people at india house and the partiers and the circle bar and all the people who lived in new orleans.

The Big Easy

The war is starting and sticky air breaths on our faces,
arms and stomach. Snaking brown river laps our feet,
curling over each toe like sifted powdered sugar
and every breath we take fills our lungs with hot pungent
Cajun spice. We blithely chase our fears with sips of mango
and spilt plastic cups of New Orleans’ cheapest brew.

Night falls slowly in a lazy southern city and street bands
play for old men, young girls, witch doctors, palm readers,
accountants, homeless and wonder lust teenagers alike. Dance
in the moonlight, swing our arms like monkeys and skip
around, through and under while jazz strums and girls yelp
and raucous laughter spills under the moon’s streaming beams.

Catch the rainbow beads dripping from the torrid sky,
wring the strands from our hair and watch the dripping
puddles form on the cool, cement floor while piano players
tap out an easy pace and children scramble like sharks over
yellow and red and blue metal. We call it life and let it slip
away into peyote smoke. We call it home and never leave.