I wish I was feeling more articulate because I have some fairly complex, weighted and emotional issues roiling around in my head and I would like to sort them out. Here's the tip of the iceberg: Currently, I am in the midst of processing myself for the acceptation into two institutions. The first of which and the source of much of my internal angst is the University of Montana. Lately, the U of M has been littering my mail with acceptance letters, financial awards and orientation notices. The onslaught of letters is suddenly making it painfully obvious that I will be living and going to school in Montana in a little over three months and that the Seattle era is drawing to a close in a matter of weeks. After attempting to make this city my home for three years, I am finally pulling out. At the risk of sounding corny and pathetic, I'm going to confess that it is tearing me apart. I love Seattle and Seattle wouldn't be nearly as cool if it weren't for my Seattleites. I love my Seattleites and as selfish as this sounds, I don't want their life to go on without me. Enough...listen to me wail about my opportunity to go school when some people will never even have the chance. Moving on to the second institution, the US Forest Service. After an unmentionable amount of long distance minutes on the phone to places like Kooskia, ID and Darrington, WA and Sula, MT, and hours on the gov. website filling out the generic application form and days worth of silent agony, I was offered a job on a trail crew in North Bend, Washington. For lack of a better word, I am stoked. North Bend is the ranger district directly south of the ranger district that I worked for last summer. I will be busting my butt in a different area of the same beautiful Alpine Lakes Wilderness. So there you have it: As of June 13, I will no longer be a Seattleite but a nomad of the forest once more and after that, well, I'll be too far away for regular weekend trips that's for sure. I would love to delve into the icy waters that hide the rest of the iceberg but I haven't the intellectual prowess right now and oh, look at the time, I have to get up for work in an hour...

{God speed all the bakers at dawn may they all cut their thumbs,
And bleed into their buns 'till they melt away. }

Last night, I had a nightmare. This is the first nightmare that I have had since my premonition. I dreamed that while I was cleaning the meat slicer at Great Harvest, I lopped off my thumb. I woke up instantly and found that my entire hand was asleep. I really hope that this was just a bad dream and not a glimpse into the future. Though I must say that I have increased the odds substantially by operating and cleaning a slicer three times a week. On another interesting note, my entry from April 23, 2004 is all about a previous digit-wounding experience.

{If I can learn things like this in school then it's all worth it}

Compress the entire 4.6 billion years of geologic time into a single year. On that scale, the oldest Earth rocks we know date from early February. Living things first appeared in the sea in the last week of March. Land plants and animals emerged in late November, and the widespread swamps that formed the Pennsylvania coal deposits flourished for about four days in early December. Dinosaurs became dominant in mid-December but disappeared on the 26th, at about the time the Rocky Mountains were first uplifted. Humanlike creatures appeared sometime during the evening of December 31st, and the most recent continental ice sheets began to recede from the Great Lakes area and from northern Europe about one minute and 15 seconds before midnight on the 31st. Rome ruled the Western world for 5 seconds, from 11:59:45 to 11:59:50. Columbus arrived in America 3 seconds before midnight, and the science of geology was born with the writings of James Hutton just slightly more than one second before the end of our eventful year of years (Geologic Time, 2nd ed. Englewood Cliffs, N.J.: Prentice Hall, 1978)

On my run today (I'm up to thirty minutes a day) on the Burke Gilman trail, I was astounded by the sight of two merganser ducks, one male and one female, flying side by side down the trail at a break-neck speed of 15 miles per hour about two feet off the ground. They were plummeting right toward me without any sign of swerving to the side. Not quite comprehending that I was directly in their path, I kept plodding away while musing over their close proximity to each other and the ground. It finally donned on me that they were on a race to the death and that they weren't going to part ways to avoid a collision with me. I jumped to the side as they zoomed by. I turned around, mouth gaping, to watch them fly wing tip to wing tip down the trail and out of site around a bend. Later, on my cool-down walk, I saw the pair languidly floating in a swamp. I feel like this is some metaphor or sign but I'm not sure what. Any ideas, serious, funny or lame (I could use a laugh)?

what have i been up to lately?
i've was working at the SCCC bookstore. that was an interesting experience. at least we listened to the RHPS soundtrack and prince. i've also been working at Great Harvest Bread Company. i am a barista/sandwich maker/bread server. customer service is a bit of a drag but i like the customers and the employees and i really like making drinks. i've been hiking up and down and around. most of the days i've gone it has rained or hailed or snowed. but no matter. i have been schooling. yes, that's right, schooling and homeworking. i like my classes, i think. so far they are interesting. i will explain why humans don't have fur and the "universal timeline in relation to a year" someday soon. i appreciate incentives to learn new things. i went to see Finding Neverland. i also went to cry. sometimes i need a release. i still need a release. i spent time with my dad. we went to cafes and listened to live jazz. we went and saw colorful tulips in the skagit valley and we dined on indian and thai cuisine. i went to a concert. i'm going to more concerts, most importantly, The Shins. i'm training for bloomsday on may 1. times a flying and i've only just got my fairy dust. now it's time to think happy thoughts.

I dare you to ask me what it is like working two part time jobs and going to school full time...

Time is always moving forward but why do I feel like I'm stuck in the past year? I'm not bemoaning it, wishing it different or celebrating it, I'm just dwelling there, reveling perhaps...I guess I'll take The Shins' advice and skip with it...

Gone For Good Lyrics

Untie me, I've said no vows
The train is getting way too loud
I gotta leave here my girl
Get on with my lonely life

Just leave the ring on the rail
For the wheels to nullify

Until this turn in my head
I let you stay and you paid no rent
I spent twelve long months on the lam

That's enough sitting on the fence
For the fear of breaking dams

I find a fatal flaw
In the logic of love
And go out of my head

You love a sinking stone
That'll never elope
So get used to the lonesome
Girl, you must atone some
Don't leave me no phone number there

It took me all of a year
To put the poison pill to your ear
But now I stand on honest ground, on honest ground

You want to fight for this love
But honey you cannot wrestle a dove
So baby it's clear

You want to jump and dance
But you sat on your hands
And lost your only chance

Go back to your hometown
Get your feet on the ground
And stop floating around

I find a fatal flaw
In the logic of love
And go out of my head

You love a sinking stone
That'll never elope
So get used to used to the lonesome
Girl, you must atone some
Don't leave me no phone number there