The World According to Dan Dustin:

I am the the old original iron-jawed, brass-mounted, copper-bellied corpse-maker from the wilds of Arkansas! Look at me! I am the man they call Sudden Death and General Desolation! Sired by a hurricane, dam'd by an earthquake, half-brother to the cholera, nearly related to the smallpox on the mother's side! Look at me! I take nineteen alligators and a bar'l of whiskey for breakfast when I'm in robust health, and a bushel of rattlesnakes and a dead body when I'm ailing. I split the everlasting rocks with my glance and I squelch the thunder when I speak! Stand back and give me room according to m y strength! Blood's my natural drink, and the wails of the dying is music to my ear. Cast your eye on me, gentle-men, and lay low and hold your breath, for I'm 'bout to turn myself loose!